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One of Ours (Complete Script) by TOMCAVANAUGH One of Ours (Complete Script) by TOMCAVANAUGH

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I wrote this loosely based on a time in my life when I was working for what the investigative news show 60 MINUTES called "THE MOST CORRUPT SMALL TOWN POLICE DEPARTMENT IN THE UNITED STATES"

I won't say the real name of the police department and all the names have been changed any similarities is accidental. I know some of the incidents in this story seem "far fetched", but no... most aren't! They actually happened.

Thank you for reading and any comments will be appreciated it!

Segments of this script have been developed in workshop in THE ACTORS GYM in Hollywood, CA, under the guidance of Bobby Moressco (Oscar Winner of CRASH), Gilles Chaisson (Producing Director of The Reprise Theater Co in Los Angeles) and the Membership.

Thank you for reading!!!!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-11-05
One of Ours (Complete Script) by *TOMCAVANAUGH A wonderful strong script ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconvitamorior:
--I personally loved this screen play. I think it's really cool that it's all based off of a real corrupt Police Department. Thought it's obviously a new story it felt like it was in the 50's which I just adore!

--A screen play is something I've never seen on Deviant Art and it really shows how our website works and what were trying to provoke: To alter art from other art, to change art in a positive way while also having a contrast between pieces, and to depart from the most direct way.

--The screen play itself was very touching at some parts. It did have some slightly uninteresting parts but I think those are necessary to keep other parts interesting. At the end I was so surprised to how things turned out between "Father" and Son. When I started reading it I had the impression it was a short present story where as Tom took it to the next level. And yet to relate it all back to the fact that this was all real.

--I gave it a 4 on Vision because I did feel like there were parts in the text where either the point wasn't exactly made and the reader was kind of left hanging, or my personal vision was skewed of the activities of the characters (Which I do understand they did happen and they are not far fetched (As said in description). On the Originality I just had to give it a 5 because as previously stated it really proves deviousness. Technique was given a 5 for the same reason as Originality, and Originality was based off of the Technique. Impact I gave a 3, but that is due to my belief on controlling my life 100%.

--Now this is my first critique so please do tell me, on my page, how I did as i wish to do more. And don't be afraid to get critical, I would love to improve!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconmakepictures:
makepictures Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
www.nj.com/middlesex/index.ssf... Jersey cops are obviously the most "dedicated and upstanding" [Lawrence Bitterman attorney at law a potential relative of www.bettercallsaul.com/] and the cops in Edison NJ have a particular (peculiar) integrity.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner May 26, 2013  Professional Writer
I know that article from the nj.com in December... well yes I was there for all of the stuff mentioned even before I worked there. I would be out delivering newspapers and it would rain... well picked up by Quigley the one cop they talk about in the 1977 case who would drive me home out of the rain. Later that rape case... Fekete was another friend... I knew the girl from before the case... when I bartended at the hotel next to town hall we found her wired on coke naked in the hallway on the 3rd floor thrown out of the room by the guy she picked up in the bar across the street. Fek.. was chasing burglars on foot one night and ran straight, face down into an empty swimming pool... I was on the radio and talked cops through finding him... we didn't know where he was just that he was calling for help... Fek got a raw deal on that case and they hung him out to dry there's more to that. Naked Cop is another thing... I wasn't there for that, but the Naked Cop when I was there cursed me out over the radio... he slipped... the Chief of PD was such a douche and protecting the blue line when I filed a complaint and the tape was reviewed it came back from the chiefs office... "We heard the cursing, but Tom neglected to write in the complaint that NAKED COP called in to apologize".... like that should matter. I was also there when another cop decided to rob a bank on his way into work, FBI had to call him from his police car and in uniform to arrest him... and was there when they arrested the dispatcher next to me for rape of his ex girlfriend... the stories are endless... and the truth on Naked Cop not there in the papers... he was hacving sex with a guys wife, guy comes home and finds them...Naked Cop runs out the back of the house, jumps into his BMW and slams into the back of a tractor trailer, jumps out and starts to run home... when they asked him "Why were you running naked from the accident scene?" He said "He forgot to put something on and that he had been swimming and didn't want to ruin the interior with a wet bathing suit!"

You have inspired me though sir, this should be a comedy version of Breaking Bad.

I have soooooo many more stories that aren't in this article... like the one about the where the grandaughter was drinking... that's not the true story... I'll have to tell you that one face to face... way more corrupt than written there.

We also had a cop who would work side jobs standing guard at a Burger King on Friday & Sat nights where juvies were dealing drugs and fighting... normally they'd go there in uniform with their gun and keep the peace... and one night he shows up with a ninja sword on his back and a red bandana across his head... while wearing his cop uniform.

or when one Sargent was banging the wife of a dispatcher and talking dirty thru emails and gossip when the I.T. Sgt discovers a file named "Donna's Panties" so the I.T. Sarge thinks it's porn, but opens it and the other Sarge and the dispatcher wife are talking about IT Sarge and that he might be the father of a kid with another cops daughter.... so I.T. Sgt calls the other cheat Sarge into his office, locks the door and proceeds to beat the crap out of the cheat Sgt... the entire Records Dept and Detective Burea is standing outside the office windows watching the beat down and trying to get the door unlocked for like a half an hour.

They just go on and on...

"It's totally legit... its done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask, alright? Any questions?"

"BETTER CALL SAUL!"
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:iconmakepictures:
makepictures Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
The article I linked was a review of 20 years of shame.... maybe while you were there!  Don't worry, you can always call Saul.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner May 24, 2013  Professional Writer
You got that right! I knew that captain when he was a Sargent I called him out over the radio and he called me into the watch commanders office for a head to head but no one deserves to have their family attacked. I was there 12 years and saw some crazy things, but that long blue line is strong! 5 attempt murder charges and he's suspended with pay...only there would you get to keep your pay!
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:iconmakepictures:
makepictures Featured By Owner May 24, 2013
The article I linked was a review of 20 years of shame.... maybe while you were there!  Don't worry, you can always call Saul.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Professional Writer
If you liked ONE OF OURS, please try the first chapter of my first book, THE TOLTEC now on DA... [link]
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:iconrisingwolve:
RisingWolve Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This took my breath away, and was more and more suspenseful the closer to the end it got. Since it was a screenplay, I had a hard time understanding at parts for lack of detail but this... this really strikes a chord for me. Wow. :+favlove:
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it!!!!
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:iconrisingwolve:
RisingWolve Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's a very good piece. Thank you for writing it.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks for reading and the great comment!!!!
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:iconozgurdirik:
ozgurdirik Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is so beautiful dear friend
Congrats on the Daily Deviation :clap:
Have a nice day :wave:



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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! I really appreciate that! Have a great day too!!!
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional Writer
;)
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:iconozgurdirik:
ozgurdirik Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
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:iconwyogirl22:
WYOgirl22 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This would make a really, really awesome crime-drama movie. :D :clap:
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
THANK YOU! I'm really hoping it goes that way and someone notices the potential who can make it happen!!!
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:iconbleumune:
BleuMune Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
An interesting script. Not like anything I've ever read before. I liked Denise's character. If given the opportunity I would probably play her. This is a well deserved DD. ^ ^
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
OMG... thank you!!! I wish I could say auditions are next week, but that's why I posted... for feedback and hope it catches someone's eye!!! Thanks! I worked hard on this!
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:iconbleumune:
BleuMune Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. I hope it does so that your effort pays off. ^ ^
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks... it's days like this that make me feel like I'm almost there!
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Writer
:)
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:iconbleumune:
BleuMune Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yep yep yep. :)
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:icongirlgamer1397:
GirlGamer1397 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
My heroes /are/ the bad guys 3:)
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Ya gotta love em!!!!
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:iconanonimvictor:
AnoniMVictor Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
good luck with selling the book ... sell it to cops too :D
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
THANK YOU!!! I'll try, but I might not get paid!!!!
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
ALWAYS! Thanks again!
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:iconanonimvictor:
AnoniMVictor Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
DO YOUR BEST !
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:iconthedeadlyyears:
TheDeadlyYears Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
You know how many heroes I've had go bad, or turn out to be bad? This (sadly) is not surprising at all.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional Writer
First for everything...
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:iconthedeadlyyears:
TheDeadlyYears Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Unfortunately.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
I'm sorry. What wasn't "surprising" at all, that his father was part of the corruption? I just want to make sure I see what you're seeing. Thanks.
Reply
:iconthedeadlyyears:
TheDeadlyYears Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
The whole thing isn't surprising, I meant. I think I know my mom and dad well enough, but I can't help but imagine I'd walk in on a friend of mine, and discover something awful about them, like.... for example.... they were secretly a Neo-Nazi, or he/she was some religious fanatic (to a depth I had not realized) and was planning to bomb some 'unholy' place or gathering. Nothing this extreme has really happened to me, but I can't really bring myself to trust people anymore.... :hmm:
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
I understand that! It's not easy and yeah.... people keep some dark secrets close to their chest! Thanks for sharing and thanks for the insight!!! Trust is a tough road.... I told someone else that at times because most of this is based on true incidents it was walking a think line between Betrayal and Loyalty and that became very painful!
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:iconthedeadlyyears:
TheDeadlyYears Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
One that is particularly sore is a girl that was supposedly bi-sexual (that I had ended up really liking), but she really turned out to just be a lesbian, and her and her lesbo friend ended up fucking with me; come to think of it, they weren't the only ones..... now I'm sure I sound all homophobic, but I've had a problem with them ever since.

Another one is this guy whom I thought was my friend and co-worker, but he ended up stabbing me in the back and drove me to quit the job. My blood boils every time I even THINK of him.

It's almost as if Trust, Loyalty, Chivalry are all dead and buried.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Writer
I understand all that and no you don't sound homophobe.... I just don't let anyone screw with me anymore and look for the signs. You can kinda see someone like that coming at you if you know what to look for and well... been in your sures. Screw em.... is the way I look at it... they're not gonna beat me.
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:iconthedeadlyyears:
TheDeadlyYears Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
I've gotten to the point where I'm not even sure I WANT a.... how do I put it? 'Female companion,' let us call it that. And no, I don't want a male one, either. lol I just seem to have lost faith in love.

I'm glad you're not calling me homophobic; not sure if you've seen it, but people on here tend to get REALLY touchy and pissy about that. >_>;

These things happened when I was younger and more naive, so.... yeah.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Writer
They happen to all of just not a severe...and i went through that also where I didn't want anyone around me or a girlfriend... it comes and goes. No didn't notice that around here... I don't get that personal yet...lol
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(1 Reply)
:iconmousedenton:
MouseDenton Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Excellent dialog, good pacing, and overall a captivating read. Well done!
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! I really worked at it to get it there.... THANK YOU!
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:iconhusky-21:
Husky-21 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Nice!
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks!!!!
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:icontegwen-ianthe:
Tegwen-Ianthe Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
I really would love to see this made into a film. It is well written and captivating, I had to read the whole thing. I was "on the edge of my seat" waiting to see how it turned out in the end. Congrats on the well deserved DD.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
OMG thank you soooo much! I really appreciate your feedback! THANK YOU!!!
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:icontegwen-ianthe:
Tegwen-Ianthe Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
You are very welcome.
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:iconsinnibelle:
Sinnibelle Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am glad I was sick and had the time to read this.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks I sooooo appreciate it! Glad what did you like? What took you out what sucked you in?
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:iconsinnibelle:
Sinnibelle Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It was scary more than anything else. That simply following the rule of those you love can send you far down a path that you can't turn around on. It made me angry his family would willfully put him in that kind of a position.
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:icontomcavanaugh:
TOMCAVANAUGH Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Writer
WOW.... great insight that I've never heard before! I'm so glad you shared that with me!!! Yeah, being a good percent is based on real incidents, there was always a fine line between betrayal and loyalty that became painful at times to maintain! THANKS AGAIN!
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:iconredvampire120652:
REDVAMPIRE120652 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Cop: Do you know how fast you where going??
Me: Not fast enough... V
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August 7, 2012
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