THE DISAPPEARING DUNG BEETLE 1

THE DISAPPEARING DUNG BEETLE
By Tom Cavanaugh

ACT ONE
ACT 1, SCENE 1:

An apartment with the door at Upstage Center.  Upstage Left is an L-shaped desk with three computer screens on top.  Downstage Left is a kitchen area with a round table with four chairs.  Stage right is a bedroom area with a double bed and nightstands.
Chelsea stands at down stage center.  A special pool of light shines down on her.

CHELSEA
"Aksak" created the first man and woman on earth.  According to an ancient Chinese Taoist book, "Aksak" rolls its pellet and life is born.  Inside the clay, the rolled ball, a spiritual concentration can develop an embryo and raise "terrestrial skins".  Inside that ball of clay and dirt and… other things, "Aksak" can create life. "Aksak" is a Dung Beetle.

Chelsea sits on the edge of the stage and talks to the audience.

CHELSEA
So that means that the clay or the "rolled ball", is manure, feces or commonly known as… well you know what I mean and they are saying that the Dung Beetle is so powerful that it can create human life out of crap.   The text goes on and asks "Why should the dwelling of celestial hearts not be able to generate a body too, if we put our spirit in it?"  Our spirits can create another life inside our hearts.

PAUSE

CHELSEA
Interesting concept.

The buzzer on the door rings.  Chelsea gets up and cautiously approaches the door.  She pushes the button on the intercom next to the door.

CHELSEA
Who is it?

JEREMY
I have an appointment at eleven.

CHELSEA
Come up.  Two C, the door will be open.

Chelsea takes a deep breath, holds her breath and opens the door.  She backs away from the door quickly.  Chelsea stares at the door and looks dizzy.  She gets a glass of water and sits down, her back to the door and face to the audience.  Chelsea sips the water.

JEREMY
Hello?  Hello?  Chelsea?

Chelsea looks at him and does not get up.  Jeremy has left the door open.

JEREMY (CONT.)
Hi, we talked on the phone.  I'm really glad to…

CHELSEA
(Barely audible)
The door?

JEREMY
Excuse me?

CHELSEA
(Labored)
Close the door.

JEREMY
Sorry.

He closes the door.

CHELSEA
Thank you.

Jeremy extends his hand.  Chelsea looks at him and doesn't move.

CHELSEA
(Recovering)
You understand why you're here?

JEREMY
Professor Dustin said you are looking for a Research Assistant.

CHELSEA
He didn't tell you anything else?

JEREMY
Should I get the job, I'd be in the field a lot.

CHELSEA
Nothing else?

JEREMY
That's it basically.

CHELSEA
You're a Bio. Major?

JEREMY
Yes.

CHELSEA
Good.

Chelsea gets up and crosses to Jeremy.

CHELSEA
Appis mellifera?

JEREMY
The western honey bee?

CHELSEA
Is it or are you guessing?

JEREMY
It is.

CHELSEA
Aenictogiton attentaus?

JEREMY
African Ant.  Is this a test?

CHELSEA
Yes, Sparganophilus?

JEREMY
If I knew there was going to be a test, I would've studied.

CHELSEA
Do you need to study?

JEREMY
Earthworm and "NO", I don't need to study.

CHELSEA
Not bad.

JEREMY
Thanks.

CHELSEA
How observant are you?

JEREMY
How observant do I have to be?

CHELSEA
Where in the room is… coleoptera scarabaeidae?

JEREMY
It's somewhere in the room?

CHELSEA
You haven't seen it yet?

JEREMY
Do you want me to describe it in detail?

CHELSEA
Are you gonna answer all my questions with a question?

JEREMY
It's a positioning strategy.

CHELSEA
It won't work.

JEREMY
Right, forearm, about three inches, black with blue markings.

Chelsea lifts her shirt sleeve to reveal a scarab tattoo.

CHELSEA
Royal Blue markings.

JEREMY
Nice work.

CHELSEA
Coleoptera scarabaeidae, better known as…

JEREMY
The Dung Beetle.

CHELSEA
Hasn't changed in over forty million years.

JEREMY
Pretty amazing considering it spends must of its life gathering shit.

CHELSEA
Is that all it does?

JEREMY
Any reason for the quiz?  I mean you can interview me like a person.

CHELSEA
I have to weed out the wrong types.

JEREMY
What's the wrong type?

CHELSEA
Professor Dustin's last three applicants were "Frat Boys" posing as interested parties.

JEREMY
I don't belong to any Fraternities.

CHELSEA
The Dung Beetle has managed to stay the same, unchanged for over forty million years and now they are vanishing.

JEREMY
And my job would be?

CHELSEA
Agoraphobia.

JEREMY
That's not an insect, it's an anxiety disorder.

CHELSEA
I know that.  I'll be staying here and you'll be going out into the world.

JEREMY
That would mean I'd have to go to rainforests and deserts and…

CHELSEA
Eventually, maybe, but that's only if you can handle the small stuff for me, the everyday stuff.  Travel plans will come later, if you work out.

JEREMY
Who's doing "the everyday stuff" now?

CHELSEA
Don't worry about it.