THE DISAPPEARING DUNG BEETLE 5

The Disappearing Dung Beetle (Cont. Part 5)

Still nothing.

JEREMY
Been a week and half now, why don't we...?

CHELSEA
Does this have an exciting conclusion or are you going to keep distracting me from my book?

JEREMY
Come out to dinner with me.

CHELSEA
I can't.

JEREMY
I'm buying.

CHELSEA
You don't have money.

JEREMY
Take it out of my first paycheck.

CHELSEA
That's not the issue.

JEREMY
Might help if you at least tried to get outside.

CHELSEA
I don't want to try.

JEREMY
Yeah, but think about the possibilities if both of us went out into the field and...

CHELSEA
I just don't want to go outside.

Silence

JEREMY
Ever?  Is this something you were born with?

CHELSEA
No.

JEREMY
That's it?  Just a no?

Chelsea regains her composure and tries to read her book again.

CHELSEA
The rest is not important.

JEREMY
Well, did you ever go outside?

CHELSEA
Yes.

JEREMY
You must've traveled?

CHELSEA
Sometimes.

JEREMY
Sometimes?

CHELSEA
Once.

JEREMY
Where did you go?

CHELSEA
Mexico.

JEREMY
That's it?

CHELSEA
It was a high school trip.

JEREMY
What'd you do there?

CHELSEA
Nothing!  Look stop.  I don't like to talk about it.

JEREMY
Why?

CHELSEA
I just don't talk to anyone about Mexico.

JEREMY
Not your Mom?  Not Kourtney?

CHELSEA
No one.  It's no one's fucking business!

JEREMY
(Very sincere)
What happened?

CHELSEA
(Yells)
NOTHING!  Look, do you want to keep this job?

Jeremy starts to answer.

CHELSEA
Just stop!

Long pause.

JEREMY
Twelve burrowing holes and ten dung beetles.  Two missing.  I have to dissect it.

Jeremy starts to dissect the cow patty.

JEREMY
Before the... before this thing happened... did you go out and do normal things?

CHELSEA
(Sarcastic and annoyed)
Yes, I did.  I drank beer through funnels, swallowed grain alcohol till I puked and gambled away all my school money.  Would you like to redefine normal?  

JEREMY
That's not funny.

CHELSEA
It wasn't meant to be.

Jeremy walks to the sink and washes his hands.

CHELSEA
Do you like to be reminded of your past?

JEREMY
We've been working together for two weeks and I feel like I'm doing all the talking.  I know nothing about you.

CHELSEA
You're not here for me.

JEREMY
No, I'm here for the beetles.

CHELSEA
No, you're here for the money.

JEREMY
True, but don't you...

CHELSEA
(Annoyed and louder)
No, I don't!

JEREMY
You don't even know what I was going to say.

CHELSEA
(Mocking voice)
Don't you wanna share your thoughts and ideas and interact with someone?  Don't you want more than what's just in this room?
(Normal voice & slightly upset)
No, I do not!
(Turns away and reads.)
No more questions about me.  Missing are two dung beetles, correct?

JEREMY
Looks that way.

CHELSEA
Hypothesize, please.

JEREMY
(Jokingly)
Vacation, southern Africa on some elephant shit?

CHELSEA
Don't be stupid.

JEREMY
I don't know where they went.

CHELSEA
Neither do I.  You go back tomorrow.

JEREMY
Back to the farm, great.

CHELSEA
Get rid of the sample.

Jeremy leaves the room.  Chelsea starts to type on the computer.  Chelsea talks and types.

CHELSEA
Two missing beetles out of the sample.  Unknown on possible reasons why they are missing, but unlike the past there are no dead beetles in the sample.

The sound of a toilet flushing.

CHELSEA
Will conduct further investigations tomorrow.

Jeremy crosses to the sink.

JEREMY
So you don't go outside...

Jeremy washes his hands.

JEREMY
Why?

CHELSEA
The same reason you're washing your hands.

JEREMY
Germs?

CHELSEA
Your deductive reasoning skills, do work.

JEREMY
The air outside is the same as the air in here.

CHELSEA
There are filters.

JEREMY
You know that's not true.

CHELSEA
Do you think you're the first?

JEREMY
First what?

Pause.

CHELSEA
Don't pity me.

JEREMY
It's not pity.