The Disappearing Dung Beetle 2

THE DISAPPEARING DUNG BEETLE
By Tom Cavanaugh

ACT ONE
ACT 1, SCENE 1(Cont):

JEREMY
What else should I know about this job?

CHELSEA
I can be moody.

JEREMY
Being trapped in one room…

CHELSEA
(Defiant)
I'm not trapped.

JEREMY
You can't go outside.

CHELSEA
That's what I have assistants for.

JEREMY
But, you don't leave.

CHELSEA
As a rule.

JEREMY
Then how do…

Chelsea hands Jeremy a Nextel phone.

CHELSEA
I talk and…

JEREMY
I walk.

CHELSEA
(Smiles slightly)
Exactly.

JEREMY
So how do I… how do I get this job and the travel part?

CHELSEA
Does the travel interest you more than the science?

JEREMY
No, I just…

CHELSEA
If that's why you're interested, go work for a Travel Agent.

JEREMY
That's not what I said.

CHELSEA
You think this is going to be fun?

JEREMY
No.

CHELSEA
Good.  You get through the everyday tasks around here and then we will talk about the rest.  Tell me about you.

JEREMY
What do you want to know?

CHELSEA
You're too handsome to be the "brainiac" type.

JEREMY
You look too young to be so out of touch.

CHELSEA
Looks are deceiving.

JEREMY
My point exactly.

CHELSEA
Street kid with math and science skills, scores a major scholarship and ends up at State University?

JEREMY
If you knew, why did you ask?

CHELSEA
That's your resume.  I'm asking about the "other" story.

JEREMY
What "other" story?

CHELSEA
Full boat scholarship recipients don't usually take jobs.

JEREMY
Do you have any secrets that you want to tell me about?

CHELSEA
Not really.

JEREMY
The feeling is mutual.

CHELSEA
Getting to the travel section won't be easy.  I'm not a push- over.

JEREMY
I know that.

CHELSEA
How?

JEREMY
Apartment is immaculate and there's no maid service here.  You clean it yourself.  Your computer is on and the word processor is set to a blank page, this way you can type in any idea that erupts in your mind.  Right screen of the four on your desk is set to an internet chess game, so that you can play instantly when feel like it.  My guess is you're ruthless on the chess board.  There are amazingly, no books on the shelves and only five on your desk, so you either do all your reading over the internet or you have books delivered from the library and they are always returned on time.  Do you want me to go on?

CHELSEA
How did you know about the library?

JEREMY
There's a card attached to your key ring.

CHELSEA
How do you know I clean the apartment myself?

JEREMY
Lucky guess.

CHELSEA
"Real" gamblers don't believe in luck.

JEREMY
Neither do test pilots, but I haven't crashed and burned yet.

CHELSEA
Not here, but… Atlantic City?  You don't look like Vegas material.

JEREMY
Neither.

CHELSEA
Poker player?

JEREMY
Sometimes.

CHELSEA
You gambled away the school's money?

JEREMY
You don't make mistakes?

CHELSEA
I can't.

JEREMY
Ever?

CHELSEA
As a rule, part of the disease.

JEREMY
Are you enjoying this?

CHELSEA
Beats watching the Soaps.

JEREMY
I bet.

CHELSEA
I know you do.

JEREMY
(Smiling)
Cute.

The door flies open.  Kourtney enters, and she is carrying the school newspaper in one hand.

KOURTNEY
Replaced!

She makes sure that she closes the door behind her.

KOURTNEY
The last three weeks I am staring at dog shit in Texas, just to come back to this!

She tosses the flyer looking for a new assistant at Chelsea.

KOURTNEY
(To Chelsea)
Who the hell are you to replace me?

CHELSEA
You said we were through.

KOURTNEY
I said "we" were through, I didn't mean…

CHELSEA
You know what you meant.

KOURTNEY
This is my work too.  You might not think so, but this is as important to me as it is to you.

CHELSEA
I doubt that.

Kourtney looks at Jeremy

KOURTNEY
Who the hell are you?

Jeremy goes to speak.

CHELSEA
He's nothing.

JEREMY
Nothing?

CHELSEA
Sssssh.

KOURTNEY
(Screams)
A man!

Kourtney goes after Chelsea.  They quickly move around the room.  Kourtney stops and slowly walks towards Jeremy and never looks away from his eyes as she talks to Chelsea.

KOURTNEY
You think he can handle it?

No response.

KOURTNEY
You think he can manage everything?

Still nothing.